Butt your Bum’s Broken…

Last weekend we had a pleasant and impromptu get-together at our place with a few friends. These evening’s are always enjoyable, unpredictable and a good laugh is always had, frequently at my expense…

 The increase in banter and laughter seemingly correlated with the number of wine corks being pulled.

A few of the world’s problems were solved, and Janet, my partner, managed to organise a major shopping trip with her girlfriends whilst I’m climbing in New Zealand next week.

 And then somehow we got on to a discussion about ‘what have you broken?’

Now don’t ask me why, it just did.

Bob kicked it off by saying…

 “Yeah, I fell out of a tree, broke me arm”

Ray, a rugby-mad Kiwi, has a nose that’s been moved off-centre courtesy of failing to catch a high ball…

There was a couple of broken legs in their somewhere, I can’t remember who, but let’s face it they are kind of “dime a dozen”…

Jeff managed to break a finger in a schoolyard dust up. Mind you, it would’ve been a brave person to take him on, the bloke is about six-foot-six and has shoulders as wide as Beyoncé’s booty, and a bit firmer as well.

And hey, don’t get me wrong here, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with her booty!!

 Kimbalee, bless her, broke a couple of nails and had to spend half-a morning in the beauty parlour sipping lattes while a team of specialists worked their magic on her.

Eventually it got around to me,

 “Baz, how’d you go, you’ve bound to have broken something?”

Janet, her cheeky grin barely contained, egging them on…

 “Yeah Baz, tell them what you’ve broken”…

Blushing,

 “My bum”.

Maybe it wouldn’t have been so funny any other time, but this was a crowd that was only warming up. They laughed so hard and long that many were in tears…

“Thanks Janet…”

My broken bum had its making back in the early 1980s at a Sunday session at the Brekky Creek Hotel, in Brisbane.  Back in those days the pub only opened for a short time on Sunday’s and it was a case of getting as many beers into you in as short a time possible.

 

I’d like to say that I was responsible in the way I approached these sessions, but I can’t…

Anyway, they were always very sociable and fun affairs…

After a few jugs of beer, the boys decided we should go and learn to skydive, sounded awesome, I was in for sure.

And thinking that I could always claim ‘beer talk’ if I needed to back out of it…

No chance, Bush-rat, as one of our mates was known, saw to it that wasn’t going to happen, and by the next Saturday we had done our first jump out in the Brisbane Valley at Toogoolawah.

At the time it was only a fledgling drop-zone. Today it is a major skydiving centre run by the bloke who tossed me out that very first time, Dave McEvoy.

Customary as it was, we had to shout the bar at the Toogoolawah pub on that Saturday night.

It was a big night…!

We went on to do quite a few jumps over a couple of years and enjoyed the shenanigans that was part of the skydiving scene, a crazy bunch by any standard…

 It was fun times back in the days when sex was safe and skydiving was dangerous.

How things have changed!

Eventually work commitments saw us all head our separate ways, and skydiving tended to take a back seat to other activities…

Fast forward to more recent times and I thought it would be good to go back and do some more skydiving.

I sounded out Janet, who was right on to it and wanted to go also.

Back in the early 1980’s she was literally the girl next door, and yearned to go skydiving with us, but was to shy to ask. All of eighteen, and sweet as…

There was no such shyness this time around.

 And, yeah, I did marry the girl-next-door…

We signed up to do an accelerated free-fall course, which went well…

So how about the broken bum they chorused?

On a jump I deployed my chute as I was diving away, it was a little sloppy really, and my foot got caught in one of the lines as the chute was opening and it flipped me through my harness.

The upshot was I went from 200 kilometres an hour to zero with one leg above my head, stuck in the line.

It was a leg split that even the most practiced ballerina would’ve be proud of, unfortunately for me it ripped my hamstring right off my bum…

The pain was intense, but I managed to land safely…

A couple of weeks later and after a few thousand dollars changed hands it was sewn back on again!

There was quiet around the table, I was hoping they would simply move on, no such luck, it was just the calm before the storm erupted with a burst of laughter!

Needless to say, I’ve been the butt of their jokes ever since…

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4 thoughts on “Butt your Bum’s Broken…

  1. vastlycurious.com November 2, 2012 / 5:14 am

    Hope to do this again- I only did Tandem when I was 18! Glad you made it!!

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  2. shawnajom September 8, 2012 / 7:44 am

    First off, nice undies! Secondly, it is sooooooo awesome that you skydive and your gal goes with you! I’m assuming you aren’t married since you always say “partner”! I love your stories and your pics. And I can only imagine how much fun you all have when you get together! What haven’t you done mister??? Hahaha!

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    • The Landy September 8, 2012 / 11:39 am

      G’day!

      Haven’t been sky diving for a while mind you. too much focus on other things… Janet and I married in 1984 (we must have been 5 years old, surely?), but I don’t like the word ‘wife’ – has ‘ownership’ connotations to it. No, we are partners for sure…!

      And yes, life is far to short to take it anything to seriously, so just have fun until someone blows the full-time whistle I say…

      And glad you like the undies, the only pair I own actually, I don’t usually wear them, only special occasions!!!!

      Thanks a lot, nice to know someone gets a laugh out of them…take care!

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