Little Miss Redhead (My burning desire)

Windmills in the OutbackYou have got to love the Australian Bush; the Outback; the red-parched earth of an ancient land stretching from horizon to horizon touched only by an endless deep blue sky and confetti fluttering in a cooling breeze.

Hang-on since when was confetti part of our outback landscape…

On our recent trip into the outback we felt we must have been travelling behind one of those buses full of Japanese newly-weds that you see down at the Historic Rocks precinct in Sydney on a Saturday morning.

Lots of smiling faces, nodding as only the Japanese can in their most polite way, married in large groups on the steps of Mrs Macquarie’s Chair overlooking the magnificent Sydney Harbour.

Strewth, and just to be clear, lest I be accused of casting a racial slur…

I eat sashimi almost every other day and I love the Japanese people, and I’m not suggesting there were busloads of them in the outback throwing confetti everywhere.

I was speaking metaphorically…

But by crikey – somebody must have been. There was so much of it that you could be forgiven for thinking that it must have come from some sort of mass wedding, surely?

And let me tell you, there weren’t any smiling faeces either!

Now I get it, it isn’t the most popular dinner party topic, but thanks to  the hilarious 2006 movie Kenny we have at least got a little more comfortable discussing the issue around the camp fire these days.

And let’s not beat around the bush here, we are talking about “Poo Tickets” –

Crikey, you know – toilet paper!

Oh, stop cringing and shuffling in your seat, and yes, Kenny dispelled many of those urban myths about mine doesn’t smell, and I always clean the bowel…

As a kid I used to visit my grandmother’s home in a small country town and she had an outhouse down the backyard. We’ve all seen them, they’ve been the butt of many jokes and cartoons for time eternity. And Nan always had a small box of matches sitting behind the door and insisted that one be lit each and every time you arose from the throne!

I thought this was normal, and I don’t recall anyone ever complaining about this.

Well, I did hear Uncle Bluey complaining about it once, but that was when me cousin accidently set alight to his prized Playboy Mag that was tucked down the back of the seat that us kids never knew about – and mum’s still the word on that one!

So why a box of matches?

Well nothing beats a freshly lit match to kill almost any other smell that is lingering…

You still cringing?

Of course caution should be exercised and there was that one time that Bluey sent the door over the back fence after a brekkie of Heinz baked beans…

I’m not sure what was funniest, Bluey sitting there in his navy singlet with his Y-Fronts around his ankles, or the dunny door in the neighbour’s mango tree.

But, here is the thing, I’ve always carried a little box of redheads when in the bush, the outback, and it’s purpose is two-fold – in one bold strike you can fill the nostrils with the smell of a freshly burning match after a squat and you can use it to burn your paper…

So, next time you head bush take “Miss Redhead” with you, she may not ignite your passion, but in the least, she will put a flame to your “poo tickets”…

Red heads

Photos: Baz – The Landy

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15 thoughts on “Little Miss Redhead (My burning desire)

  1. Linda Visman - wangiwriter August 19, 2014 / 4:13 pm

    We used to have a pan dunny in the back yard, and horrible shiny toilet paper.
    I hadn’t heard of the match trick – the smell is of sulphur. Great idea to use a match as you say, out bush – as long as it doesn’t start a bigger shit – a bushfire!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Baz - The Landy August 19, 2014 / 4:25 pm

      Strewth, I thought they only had shiny “poo tickets” at my Primary School…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. waexplorer August 19, 2014 / 12:32 pm

    I love this topic, I could talk about dunnies all day long. Amazing what Kenny did for the Aussie dunny culture. On the serious side though, you don’t just chuck your used dunny paper next to your toilet do you? So why would the outback be any different.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Baz - The Landy August 19, 2014 / 3:38 pm

      Yes, amazing isn’t it! It is becoming quite a problem in many areas…

      And don’t you just love old outback dunnies!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Tiny August 19, 2014 / 6:02 am

    I did too! If it works in the outback, it works in the northern woods too. I’m sure those visitors, whomever they might have been were city kids grown up with the modern “water closet” 😀

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    • Baz - The Landy August 19, 2014 / 7:51 am

      Tragically, all too often it isn’t the case, simply people who don’t make the effort to be more considerate… It is a real blight on the outback…and I’m sure in the woods. But, I guess you have to have a laugh at it!

      Like

      • Tiny August 19, 2014 / 7:54 am

        I can see the plight. People who visit should have more respect for the outback, the purity of nature.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. NancyTex August 19, 2014 / 12:49 am

    I grew up with the light-a-match trick too, Baz! 🙂

    Like

  5. Lavinia Ross August 19, 2014 / 12:03 am

    Love the graphics on the match box! That looks like it could be made into one of those wall hangings one sees on the wall of a pub somewhere.

    I’ve lived long enough to have met a lot of interesting and unusual people over my years, but this is a story the barmaid, sometimes fill-in waitress at the restaurant, told me herself. The young woman whose real name I will not mention, was a beautiful redhead. I had nicknamed her “Red Molly” after a character in a song called “1952 Vincent Black Lightning” by Richard Thompson. Molly had flaming long red hair she kept tied up in a beehive on top of her head. Behind the bar where she worked, they kept burning candles about to add to the ambience. One day, she accidentally tilted her head back in laughter, and set her flaming red beehive on fire. She did not realize what happened, so tall was her beehive. So she stood there, chatting with customers, who apparently did not know what to do or say. Her brother comes aound the corner and says, “Your hair’s on fire!” I think there was a moment of panic as the fire was extinguished. Anyway, the box of matches reminded me of this story. 🙂 Folks, do NOT try this at home.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Baz - The Landy August 19, 2014 / 7:49 am

      Love it, glad my story brought this back to you! Baz…

      Like

  6. spanishwoods August 18, 2014 / 11:48 pm

    Laughing! Love the graphics from the matches…

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    • Baz - The Landy August 19, 2014 / 7:48 am

      If you didn’t laugh you’d be crying! 🙂

      Like

  7. Gallivanta August 18, 2014 / 9:18 pm

    Right, got that sorted.

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